We are problem solvers. As soon as problem arises, we rush our minds to find a solution. Mind has a tendency to run for fixes rather than understanding. Rarely the mind takes its time to ponder over the real source of the problem. Same goes with emotions. When strong negative emotion arises, we either reactively express, suppress or convince ourselves with some cosmetic intellectual shit to get away from it. We never go into the heart of the matter.
Let’s say for example, someone calls you an idiot. What happens? One possibility is that you will rage in anger immediately and vent out. The other possibility is that you will go quiet and tell yourself this rosy concept— “Anger is bad and you should not take offence from anyone. People are ignorant and you should just ignore then. You should not react.” In this case, you may look cool and calm on the surface but deep down, you know there is a tornado ripping you off. You know its a cosmetic fix trying to suppress how you feel. In both scenarios, you are not at ease. These are the routes you take and keep repeating for the rest of your life because you don’t know the other way. You never try to understand. You keep repeating the pattern.
But do you ever sit down and think about why the anger arises in the first place? Do you ever sit down and dig dip why you feel so offended underneath even though you don’t vent out your anger on a surface level? Do you ever try to understand? The only reason many of us will think the anger arises, — is due to the “other”. “The other” person who called you an idiot. We think the cause is outside of you.
Recently I read something from KapilGupta that really struck a chord with me. I may completely butcher this but here it goes.
When someone calls you an idiot, a part of you actually entertains the idea that you are actually an idiot. You may recall your idiotic behavior in the past which is completely irrelevant to the current situation. At the same time, a part of you, the egoic self, does’t want to accept the fact that you are actually an idiot. One knows that you are an idiot and other does not want to accept that. The split happens that results in an internal conflict. And this internal conflict manifests either outwardly as an anger or internally as a feeling of being offended. When you realise this, you are at the doorstep of truth. The truth that dissolves all your reactions, miseries and egoic agendas. If someone calls you table or a car, would you react in anger? You will probably laugh!
Why??
Because you are in unison. There is no split. Every inch of you believe and know for the fact that you are not a table or a car. There is no internal conflict. Thus, there is no anger.
When you really understand the cause, you don’t have to fix anything. The understanding itself fixes everything.
Majority of the conflicts are self-conflicts. Understanding the source is the key.
