The humans are designed to look outwards. It is easy to point out at other than pointing right at yourself. The eyes can look at so many things but can not see itself. A knife can cut so many things but can not cut itself.
When you see behaviour in others that you don’t like, you get disturbed. You point out without even thinking. It looks very obvious and wrong to you. However it is very likely that same behaviour is prevalent in you too, the only difference is that you have your own narrative, story and justification about why you demonstrate it. Your justification looks totally legit to you while justification given by other totally offend you.
Let me explain using a classic household situation. I and my wife both do not like clutter around home. However, often my wife has clothes lying around where they are not supposed to be. When I see this, I get little annoyed and I tell her immediately to put things right. Similarly, I leave electronic gadgets, cables, gizmos etc in the places they are not supposed to be. When she sees this, she gets mad too.
So the common unsettling behaviour in this scenario is – putting things not where they belong and creating clutter.
It is quite interesting that even though we both agree and like the outcome – which is a clutter free home – we have a different definition of clutter free home.
Whenever we confront each other about this issue, we both defend ourselves with our narrative and justification of why we left things out of the place. We always have the reasons to justify the action even though we are working towards the same outcome.
For me, clothes are clutter and the gadgets are not part of the clutter. For her, clothes are not clutter but gadgets and gizmos are. Same behaviour but nuanced differences in interpretation.
So you may ask what to do about this?
Well firstly, it is important to admit that you have the same behaviour by dropping all your reasoning and justification for it. Secondly, it may be worthwhile to listen to the justification other gives you without discarding it completely.
Lastly and most importantly, drop your justification and rectify the behaviour in yourself. In my case, putting my gadgets in the right place. The most effective way to bring a change in others is by osmosis. By doing the things you want others to do.
Everybody wants to change others and the world and yet everybody hates being changed. This is just an example but you can trade any other behaviour for this.
So when you are troubled by the behaviour of others, it is very likely that you are perpetuating the same behaviour pattern, disguised in a different form.
Because
It is so easy to miss it in yourself.
And
It is so easy to see it in others.
